You know you deserve more. Maybe it's a raise that reflects your contributions. Maybe it's the flexibility to work from home a few days a week. Maybe it's the resources you need to actually do your job well, or the promotion you've been quietly hoping someone would notice you're ready for.

But knowing you deserve something and actually asking for it are two very different things.

If you've ever rehearsed a conversation in your head a dozen times, talked yourself out of it, or walked away from a meeting kicking yourself for not speaking up, you're not alone. Research from Indeed found that economic uncertainty made employees significantly less likely to ask for raises—with women 12% less likely to make the ask than men. But staying silent doesn't protect you. It just guarantees you won't get what you want.

The truth is, people can't read your mind. Your manager isn't sitting in their office thinking about what would make your work life better. If you want something to change, you have to be the one to ask for it. And the good news? Asking is a skill—one you can learn and get better at with practice.

Why Asking Feels So Hard

For many of us—especially women—we were raised to be accommodating, to not make waves, to wait our turn. Asking for what we want can feel selfish, demanding, or presumptuous. We worry about being seen as difficult or ungrateful. We tell ourselves "if I really deserved it, they'd offer it to me" and convince ourselves that good work should speak for itself.

But workplaces don't operate on mind-reading. They operate on communication. The people who get raises, promotions, and flexibility aren't necessarily the most deserving—they're often simply the ones who asked. That's not cynical; it's just how it works. Your manager has a hundred things on their mind. Making sure you're satisfied probably isn't at the top of the list unless you put it there.

Asking for what you want isn't selfish. It's self-advocacy. And self-advocacy is a professional skill, not a character flaw.

The Foundation: Before You Ask

Successful asks don't happen in the moment—they happen in the preparation. Here's what to do before you ever open your mouth.

Get Crystal Clear on What You Want

Vague requests get vague responses. "I'd like to talk about my compensation" is weak. "I'm requesting a salary increase to $75,000, which reflects my expanded responsibilities and market rate for this role" is specific.

Before you ask for anything, define it precisely. What exactly do you want? A specific dollar amount? A particular schedule? A defined scope of resources? The more specific you are, the easier it is for someone to say yes—and the harder it is for them to deflect with vague promises.

Know Your "Why" (And Theirs)

You need to know why you deserve what you're asking for—but more importantly, you need to frame it in terms of what matters to the person you're asking.

Your manager doesn't really care that you need more money for personal reasons. They care about retaining good employees, meeting team goals, and looking competent to their own bosses. Frame your ask in terms of value: "This investment will help me deliver better results" rather than "I need this for myself."

Gather Your Evidence

Feelings aren't evidence. "I feel like I deserve a raise" is easy to dismiss. "I've exceeded my targets by 20% for three consecutive quarters, taken on the client onboarding project that wasn't in my original scope, and market data shows my role pays 15% more at comparable companies" is much harder to argue with.

Document your accomplishments. Research market rates. Collect data that supports your case. The stronger your evidence, the more confident you'll feel—and the more seriously your request will be taken.

Choose Your Timing

Timing matters more than most people realize. Don't ambush your manager in the hallway or drop a big request at the end of a meeting about something else. Schedule dedicated time: "I'd like to schedule 20 minutes to discuss my role and compensation. When works for you this week?"

Also consider organizational timing. After a successful project launch, during budget planning season, or following a strong performance review are all better moments than right after layoffs or during a company crisis.

The Ask: How to Actually Say It

You've prepared. You've scheduled the meeting. Now it's time to actually make the request. Here's how to do it effectively.

Lead with Confidence, Not Apology

How you start sets the tone for the entire conversation. Compare these two openings:

Weak: "Sorry to take up your time, I was kind of hoping we could maybe talk about, um, whether there might be any possibility of looking at my salary at some point..."

Strong: "Thank you for making time for this. I want to discuss adjusting my compensation to reflect the scope of work I'm now handling and my contributions to the team."

The second version is direct, professional, and confident. It signals that you take yourself seriously and expect to be taken seriously in return.

State Your Request Clearly

Don't bury the ask. State it directly within the first minute of the conversation. Use phrases like:

"I'm requesting..." / "I'd like to propose..." / "I want to discuss increasing my salary to..." / "I'm asking for..."

Notice what these phrases have in common: they're declarative statements, not questions. "Would it maybe be possible to..." invites a no. "I'm requesting..." opens a negotiation.

Present Your Case Concisely

After stating your request, briefly explain why—but don't over-explain. Three strong points are better than ten mediocre ones. Hit your key evidence, then stop talking.

This is crucial: after you've made your case, be quiet and wait for a response. Many people, nervous about silence, keep talking and end up undermining their own request. State your case, then let the other person respond.

Be Prepared for Pushback

Pushback isn't rejection—it's negotiation. Common responses and how to handle them:

"The budget is tight right now." Response: "I understand. Can we agree on a timeline to revisit this? I'd like to have a clear path forward."

"I need to think about it." Response: "Of course. Can we schedule a follow-up conversation for next week to continue the discussion?"

"That's above what we typically pay for this role." Response: "I hear you. Based on my research and the expanded scope I've taken on, I believe this number reflects my value. What would need to happen for us to reach this level?"

Specific Scenarios: Scripts That Work

Different asks require slightly different approaches. Here's language for the most common workplace requests.

Asking for a Raise

Script: "I'd like to discuss adjusting my compensation. Over the past year, I've [specific accomplishment], [specific accomplishment], and [specific accomplishment]. Based on my contributions and market research showing that comparable roles pay [X], I'm requesting a salary increase to [specific amount]. I'm committed to continuing to deliver strong results and want my compensation to reflect that."

Asking for a Promotion

Script: "I want to discuss my path to [specific title/role]. I've been performing at that level for [timeframe]—specifically, I've [example of higher-level work], [example], and [example]. I believe I'm ready for this next step and would like to understand what the formal process looks like and how we can make this happen."

Asking for Flexibility

Script: "I'd like to propose adjusting my schedule to [specific arrangement—e.g., working from home two days per week]. Based on my track record of meeting all deadlines and the nature of my work, I'm confident I can maintain or even improve my productivity (with this arrangement. I'm open to a trial period if that would be helpful."

Asking for Resources or Support

Script: "I need additional [resources/support] to deliver on [project/goal]. Specifically, I'm requesting [specific resource]. This investment will allow me to [specific outcome/benefit]. Without it, I'm concerned about [specific risk]. Can we discuss how to make this happen?"

Asking for Professional Development

Script: "I'd like to attend [conference/course/training]. The skills I'd develop—specifically [skill]—directly support my work on [project/goal]. The investment is [cost], and I'm happy to share what I learn with the team afterward. I believe this will help me contribute at an even higher level."

Common Mistakes to Avoid

Even well-prepared asks can go wrong. Watch out for these common pitfalls.

Apologizing for Asking

"Sorry to bother you with this" or "I hate to ask, but..." immediately signals that you don't believe you deserve what you're asking for. If you don't believe it, why should they?

Making It Personal Instead of Professional

"I need a raise because my rent went up," or "I deserve this because I've been here so long" focuses on your needs rather than your value. Keep the conversation focused on your contributions and market worth, not your personal circumstances.

Threatening or Ultimatums

"If I don't get this, I'll have to look elsewhere" rarely works unless you're genuinely prepared to leave—and even then, it can backfire. It puts your manager on the defensive and damages the relationship regardless of the outcome.

Accepting "Maybe" as an Answer

Vague responses like "we'll see" or "let me think about it" often mean "I'm hoping you'll forget about this." Always pin down next steps: "When can we revisit this conversation?" or "What specific criteria would I need to meet?"

Talking Too Much

Nervousness makes people ramble. Over-explaining can weaken your case and give the other person ammunition to argue against you. Make your point, provide brief evidence, then stop and listen.

What If They Say No?

Not every ask will be successful—but a "no" doesn't have to be the end of the conversation.

• Ask for clarity: "Can you help me understand what's driving that decision?" Understanding the real reason helps you address it or know whether this is a temporary obstacle or a fundamental difference.

• Ask about alternatives: "If [original request] isn't possible right now, what alternatives might work?" Maybe you can't get the full raise, but you could get a bonus, additional vacation days, or a smaller increase with a clear path to more.

• Ask about timing: "What would need to change for this to be possible? When can we revisit this?" Getting a timeline turns a "no" into a "not yet."

• Take time to reflect: It's okay to say "Thank you for your honesty. I'd like some time to think about this. Can we follow up next week?" You don't have to respond immediately.

And sometimes, a "no" is valuable information. If your employer consistently refuses reasonable requests despite strong performance, that tells you something important about your future there.

Building the Habit of Self-Advocacy

Asking for what you want isn't a one-time event—it's an ongoing practice. The more you do it, the more natural it becomes.

If asking for a raise feels overwhelming, practice by asking for smaller things first: input on a project, a schedule adjustment for one day, feedback on your work. Each successful ask builds your confidence for bigger ones.

Keep a record of your wins. Document your accomplishments, positive feedback, and successful projects. When it's time to make a bigger ask, you'll have evidence ready.

Remember that advocating for yourself isn't about being aggressive or demanding. It's about being clear, direct, and professional. The best advocates know their value, communicate it effectively, and understand that asking is simply part of how workplaces function.

You deserve to have your contributions recognized. You deserve fair compensation for your work. You deserve the resources and support you need to succeed. But no one else is going to make sure you get those things. That's your job.

So take a breath, prepare your case, and ask.

FAQs About Asking for What You Want at Work

How do I ask for something at work without sounding demanding?

Focus on being clear and professional rather than aggressive. Use "I" statements ("I'm requesting..."), frame your ask in terms of value to the organization, and maintain a collaborative tone. Being direct isn't the same as being demanding.

What if I don't have hard data to support my request?

Start gathering it now for future asks. In the meantime, use specific examples, feedback you've received, projects you've completed, and any qualitative evidence of your impact. Market research on comparable salaries is also valuable data.

How long should I wait before asking for a raise at a new job?

Generally, wait at least one year unless your role has significantly expanded beyond what you were hired for. Use that first year to document wins and build a strong case.

Is it okay to ask for multiple things at once?

It can work, but prioritize. Know what matters most to you in case you can only get one thing. Sometimes asking for multiple items gives the other person room to negotiate and feel like they're meeting you in the middle.

What if my manager has no power to grant my request?

Ask them to advocate on your behalf: "I understand this may need to go up the chain. Would you be willing to support this request with [decision-maker]?" Their backing can make a significant difference.

How do I stop feeling guilty about asking for things?

Reframe self-advocacy as a professional skill, not a character flaw. Remind yourself that asking is how workplaces function—people who advance aren't more deserving, they're often just better at advocating for themselves.

What should I do if the answer is always "not right now"?

Pin down specifics: what needs to change, and when can you revisit? If "not right now" becomes a pattern with no clear path forward, that's valuable information about whether this employer values your contributions.

Related Reading:

• How to Handle Criticism at Work

• How Gender Affects Communication at Work

• Impostor Syndrome and How It Affects Your Performance

• How to Practice Self-Discipline

Sources:

• Harvard Business Review - How to Be Assertive Without Losing Yourself

• FM Magazine - Tips for Asking for What You Want in Today's Workplace