We have all heard about gaslighting in relationships and generally in our personal relationships. However, especially in the last few years, there has been a severe increase in gaslighting incidents within the workplace. The HR Departments of many companies have been dealing with such incidents a lot while there is a lot of discussion about men and women in the workplace and how to promote a healthy working environment among them.
To begin with, we need to identify what exactly is gaslighting. According to the most appropriate definition, gaslighting is the kind of emotional abuse where a person or a group of people make somebody feel that they are wrong, have lost their sanity, or are suffering from a mental disease.
When it comes to the workplace, gaslighting refers to psychological manipulation or emotional abuse where an individual or a group of people attempt to make someone doubt their perceptions, memories, and sanity. The term "gaslighting" originates from a 1938 play called "Gas Light," where a husband attempts to drive his wife insane by manipulating her perception of reality.
Gaslighting can occur when a coworker, supervisor, or even an entire team tries to undermine the confidence and self-esteem of a targeted individual.
How to identify gaslighting
Gaslighting is challenging to detect, especially if the gaslighter knows exactly what they are doing. Usually, the person who gaslights does it gradually, and the targeted person cannot understand what is happening.
Gaslighting starts with small offensive behaviors that make the person doubt themselves. For instance, take this situation: you had to send some reports at work, and your manager asked why the reports were delayed the next day. It seems to them that you missed a deadline, and then your colleague denies that you sent the email even though you have the receipt in your mailbox.
The outcome is that you doubt that you carried out the task, the task failed, and your colleague managed to get away by twisting the facts. This leaves you with a sense of incompetence and insecurity about your performance.
The above was just one example. Gaslighters use several tactics to achieve this, and the worst thing is that you cannot always be sure if you are really gaslighted or you are simply not qualified for the job/task/assignment.
How To Understand If I Am Experiencing Gaslighting
We have gathered some tactics that gaslighters use, which can help identify them. You are probably gaslighted if you notice any of the behaviors below.
Denying or Dismissing your Feelings and Experiences.
You express your concerns about a project’s direction and the potential risks that you notice. The gaslighter, instead of listening, says “You are hypersensitive; everyone is excited about this, you are just negative.” This way, the gaslighter makes you feel that you are overreacting and that your opinion is wrong, without considering your thoughts.
Twisting Facts or Events to Make you Doubt your Own Memory.
You are in a meeting where you and the gaslighter agree to take a specific action for a project. Later, when a challenge arises, the gaslighter claims they never agreed to the specific action, making you question your recollection of the events.
Blaming you for Things they Didn't Do or Exaggerating your Mistakes.
Have you ever been in a situation where your manager blamed you for a project failure, even though the failure resulted from inadequate resources and support from management? They could say something like, "You've really dropped the ball on this. It's all your fault."
Isolating you From your Colleagues, Making you Feel Alienated and Unsupported.
Another common tactic of a gaslighter is to spread rumors about a colleague to other team members, causing them to distance themselves from the victim. This isolation makes the victim feel excluded and alone.
Constantly Changing Expectations or Setting Unattainable Goals
When a project starts, usually, the expectations are set before. However, if you have a gaslighting manager, they frequently change project deadlines and expectations, making it impossible for you to meet their goals, which leads you into failure. When you fail to meet these unrealistic expectations, the manager says, "You can't even handle simple tasks."
Spreading Rumors or Gossip to Damage your Reputation and Credibility.
Some gaslighters find it amusing to damage other people’s reputation by spreading false rumors targeting to show the rest of the team that the victim is untrustworthy or incompetent, leading their colleagues to question the victim’s competence and skillset.
Minimizing your Accomplishments or Contributions.
Have you ever been in a situation where you managed to carry out a project successfully, you felt excited and proud of yourself and then your manager/colleague said something like “Yeah, ok, it was an easy project, I wouldn’t brag about it.”? Yeap, that’s gaslighting.
Using Emotional Manipulation to Make you Feel Guilty or Inadequate.
Imagine you complete your tasks and want to return home after a very long working day. Then, your manager says, “Are you already leaving? We are still working. Apparently, you don’t care about the company as much as the rest of us.”
What are the Gaslighter's Motives?
Nobody can deny that many people are highly ambitious and want to succeed in their work. However, some people wrongly believe that using such tactics can make them stand out from the competition and serve their own purposes and interests.
Gaslighting typically aims to gain power and control over the targeted individual. Gaslighters use manipulation tactics to undermine the victim's sense of reality, perceptions, and self-confidence, making them more vulnerable and easier to control.
According to Psychology Today, “gaslighting is a common phenomenon among narcissistic managers and people who want to undermine others at work.”
The Reasons Behind Gaslighting
Maintaining Authority:
A person in a position of power may use gaslighting to keep subordinates or colleagues under their control, ensuring compliance with their directives without question.
Jealousy or Competition:
A coworker might gaslight someone they see as a threat or competitor to undermine their confidence and hinder their progress.
Covering up Wrongdoing:
Gaslighting can be used to deflect blame or responsibility for negative actions, making the victim question their own perceptions of events.
Isolating the Victim:
By making the victim doubt their reality and sanity, the gaslighter can create isolation and dependency, further cementing their control over the person.
Personal Insecurities:
In some cases, gaslighters may be driven by their own insecurities, trying to boost their self-esteem by making others feel inferior or unstable.
Maintaining Group Dynamics:
A group or team can use gaslighting to exert control over a member or make someone conform to group norms.
There are many more reasons why some people choose such tactics. What is important to know is that once someone identifies gaslighting in the workplace, there are ways to deal with it.
