Toxic positivity is defined as an excessive overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state across all situations.

Clinical psychologist Dr. Jaime Zuckerman explains: “Toxic positivity is a societal assumption that a person, despite their emotional pain or gravity of their situation, should only strive to have a positive outlook. The absence of a ‘think positive’ or ‘good vibes only’ attitude makes people feel as though happiness is unattainable and having negative emotions is wrong,” she adds.

I don’t mean to kill your buzz; I really don’t. I am an eternal optimist; I never “kill anybody’s dream,” and indeed, I don’t even want to imply that we should all be negative in any way.

The problem is when constant positivity has become too much? Is it possible to reject all our negative feelings and be in a continuous “nirvana” all day? I mean, come on!

I am generally a happy and positive person, but as life is unpredictable, sometimes good things happen, and sometimes bad things happen. Not all days are the same, and everything can change within seconds. For instance, a person may lose their job or get divorced, or get into a huge fight with a loved one, s**t happens. How can this person be optimistic about that? According to toxic positivity which has taught us that we should have positive vibes all day and that everything will be fine and that others have more severe problems than ours, etc., they apparently can.

Ok, and we all agree everyone has their problems.

But telling me to “kill” my thoughts and make me feel guilty for having them is not helping me and definitely will not make me forget my current situation. When I have to work a lot, I will inevitably be working long hours; I possibly won’t even sleep for more than three hours. Of course, my mind won’t be in perfect condition. In that case, for instance, being positive won't help me. I confess that there were times I felt too guilty for not being positive “Oh, great, I have a job, I earn money, why acting like a drama queen?” Well, I act like that because having a job and earning money doesn’t mean that you always love what you do, mostly when it consumes all your day. I tried to be positive, but then I realized that there was no point in pretending something I didn’t feel and suppressing my real emotions to be a “positive vibe” in this world.

Toxic positivity and mental health

And one crucial aspect of toxic positivity that often gets overlooked is its impact on personal growth and resilience. When we constantly suppress negative emotions, we deny ourselves the opportunity to learn from them. Painful experiences, while uncomfortable, are often catalysts for self-reflection and change. They force us to confront our vulnerabilities, identify areas for improvement, and develop coping mechanisms. By acknowledging and processing these emotions, we build emotional resilience, which is the ability to bounce back from adversity.

Toxic positivity, on the other hand, creates a false sense of security, preventing us from developing the necessary tools to navigate life's inevitable challenges. It's like building a sandcastle on a beach, expecting it to withstand the tide. True strength comes from understanding and working with the tides, not pretending they don't exist—that's denial.  

Furthermore, the pressure to maintain a perpetually positive facade can lead to feelings of isolation and shame. When individuals are constantly bombarded with messages that they should be happy and optimistic, they may feel that their negative emotions are a sign of weakness or failure.

This can prevent them from seeking support and sharing their struggles with others. They might fear being judged or dismissed, leading to a sense of loneliness and disconnection. In a world where mental health awareness is increasingly important, toxic positivity undermines the very foundation of open and honest conversations about our emotional well-being. It creates a culture where vulnerability is seen as a liability, rather than a natural and essential part of the human experience. Encouraging genuine empathy and validation of all emotions facilitates a more supportive and inclusive environment, where individuals feel safe to express their true selves.  

Should we stop being positive then?

No, it's not about giving up on positive thinking. I decided to acknowledge the fact that I do love my job, but there are some days that I wouldn’t say I like it that much, and it is OK to have negative emotions. It is a part of who we are. The same applies in all situations. Every person perceives their problem according to their experiences, opinions and stimuli. By reminding them that others have more severe problems and that they should not express negative feelings, we underestimate and minimize their pain.

I am not saying that we should give up on hope.

Of course, not. I am saying that a positive mentality is precious and welcome, but negative feelings are OK too. By suppressing them by living in the bubble of “everything is fine,” we may cause even more problems later. So, next time a friend comes with a problem, instead of telling “Stay positive, everything is going to be fine”, tell them “I understand that you have a problem, I know it’s bad now, and it’s normal to feel that way, but eventually it’s going to be better.”

The difference between the first and the second approach is that the first approach rejects the problem and doesn’t take it into serious consideration; the second one is acknowledging the problem but shows optimism that eventually all will be better.

And if not, it will be another challenge to overcome! That’s life, after all.

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