Toxic positivity is defined as an excessive overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state across all situations. Clinical psychologist Dr. Jaime Zuckerman explains it this way: "Toxic positivity is a societal assumption that a person, despite their emotional pain or gravity of their situation, should only strive to have a positive outlook. The absence of a 'think positive' or 'good vibes only' attitude makes people feel as though happiness is unattainable and having negative emotions is wrong."

I don't mean to kill your buzz—I really don't. I'm an eternal optimist, and I never want to crush anyone's dreams or imply that we should all become pessimists. The problem isn't positivity itself. The problem is when constant positivity becomes mandatory, and any authentic emotion that doesn't fit the "good vibes only" script is dismissed, minimized, or silenced.

Is it really possible to reject all our negative feelings and exist in continuous nirvana? As someone who is generally happy and positive, I can tell you from experience: it's not. And trying to force it causes more harm than the negative emotions we're desperately trying to avoid.

What Toxic Positivity Actually Looks Like

Toxic positivity can be sneaky. It often comes disguised as encouragement, wrapped in good intentions, delivered by people who genuinely want to help. But the impact is the same: it invalidates real emotions and shuts down honest conversation.

You might recognize these phrases:

"Just stay positive!" — when you're sharing a genuine struggle

"Everything happens for a reason" — when you're grieving or dealing with loss

"Look on the bright side!" — when there isn't one, or you're not ready to see it

"It could be worse" — minimizing your pain by comparing it to others

"Good vibes only!" — rejecting any emotion that isn't cheerful

"Happiness is a choice" — as if you can simply decide not to feel sad

"You just need to be more grateful" — when gratitude isn't the issue

"Don't be so negative" — when you're being realistic, not negative

The common thread? These responses shut down the conversation rather than opening it up. They tell the person struggling that their emotions are wrong, inconvenient, or something to be fixed rather than felt.

Why We Default to Toxic Positivity

Most people who engage in toxic positivity aren't trying to be dismissive. They're uncomfortable with difficult emotions—their own and other people's—and don't know what else to say. We've been conditioned throughout childhood and adulthood to "put on a happy face," "never let them see you sweat," and maintain a positive outlook no matter what.

Social media has amplified this tendency. Research shows that users feel pressured to present an idealized version of their lives online, suppressing negative emotions to conform to social norms. This curated positivity creates a false sense of well-being while contributing to increased anxiety, loneliness, and decreased self-esteem—both for the people posting and those consuming the content.

As Harvard Medical School psychologist Dr. Susan David puts it: "When we tell people just to be positive, what we are actually saying to them is my comfort is more important than your reality." That's a hard truth to sit with, but it explains why toxic positivity persists despite good intentions.

Why Toxic Positivity Is Harmful to Mental Health

I am generally a happy and positive person, but life is unpredictable. Sometimes good things happen, and sometimes bad things happen. Not all days are the same, and everything can change within seconds. A person may lose their job, go through a divorce, get into a huge argument with a loved one—life happens. How can this person be expected to be optimistic about that?

According to the toxic positivity culture, they apparently should be. But research tells a different story.

It Prevents Emotional Processing

When we suppress negative emotions, we deny ourselves the opportunity to actually work through them. Studies show that chronic emotional suppression can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and even depression. A study published in the Journal of Personality and Psychology highlights the importance of validating negative emotions—recognizing and allowing yourself to experience sadness, anger, fear, and frustration is essential for psychological well-being.

It Blocks Personal Growth

Painful experiences, while uncomfortable, are often catalysts for self-reflection and change. They force us to confront our vulnerabilities, identify areas for improvement, and develop coping mechanisms. When we're told to "just be positive" instead of processing these experiences, we miss the lessons they might teach us. By acknowledging and working through difficult emotions, we build emotional resilience—the ability to bounce back from adversity. Toxic positivity, on the other hand, creates a false sense of security, like building a sandcastle and expecting it to withstand the tide.

It Creates Shame and Isolation

The pressure to maintain a perpetually positive facade can lead to feelings of isolation and shame. When individuals are constantly bombarded with messages that they should be happy and optimistic, they may feel that their negative emotions are a sign of weakness or failure. This can prevent them from seeking support and sharing their struggles with others. They might fear being judged or dismissed, leading to loneliness and disconnection at the exact moment they need connection most.

I confess there were times I felt guilty for not being positive. "Oh great, I have a job, I earn money—why am I acting like such a drama queen?" But having a job and earning money doesn't mean you always love what you do, especially when it consumes your entire day. I tried to be positive about it, but then I realized there was no point in pretending something I didn't feel and suppressing my real emotions just to be a "positive vibe" in this world.

Toxic Positivity in the Workplace

The workplace is one of the most common environments where toxic positivity thrives—and does significant damage. When "positive attitude" becomes an unofficial requirement, real problems go unaddressed, and employee wellbeing suffers.

Workplace toxic positivity might sound like:

A manager telling an overworked team to "just keep doing great work" instead of addressing unrealistic deadlines

Leadership responding to valid concerns with "let's focus on the good things"

"You're bringing everyone down" when someone raises legitimate issues

"You're lucky to even have a job" when discussing work stress

Resilience programs that push positivity instead of addressing systemic problems

Research on toxic positivity in professional settings identifies serious consequences: psychological distress, burnout, and decreased employee wellbeing. When employees feel they have to suppress their concerns to maintain a "good vibes only" environment, problems fester instead of getting solved. Issues get dismissed with platitudes while the real underlying problems—poor management, unrealistic expectations, lack of resources—remain unaddressed.

As Mita Mallick, head of inclusion, equity, and impact at Carta, puts it: "When you show up with toxic positivity, you are not hearing, seeing, or understanding the situation. It's like you're just slapping an Instagram quote as a solution. You are minimizing, negating, or erasing my experience."

The workplace should foster a sense of belonging, which means people can show up as their whole selves—even when they're having a bad day. When we can do that, we bring our best ideas, passion, and creativity. But if we're constantly suppressing authentic emotions to maintain a cheerful facade, we bring less of ourselves to work.

How to Respond to Toxic Positivity (From Others or Yourself)

Recognizing toxic positivity is the first step. Once you see it, you can start responding to it more effectively—whether it's coming from others or from your own internal voice.

When Someone Gives You Toxic Positivity:

Remember that most people mean well and don't realize they're being dismissive. You can gently redirect by saying something like: "I know you're trying to help, but right now I just need to vent," or "I appreciate the positive perspective, but I need to process this feeling first before I can move forward." You don't owe anyone toxic positivity in return. It's okay to set boundaries around how you want to be supported.

When You Catch Yourself Doing It:

We've all done it—reflexively offered "look on the bright side" when someone was struggling, because we didn't know what else to say. Instead of rushing to fix negative emotions, try acknowledging them first: "That sounds really hard," or "I'm sorry you're going through this." You don't have to have solutions. Sometimes people just need to feel heard.

When It's Your Own Internal Voice:

If you find yourself constantly criticizing your own "negative" emotions—telling yourself to just be grateful, to stop complaining, to look on the bright side—pause. Give yourself permission to feel what you're actually feeling. Emotions aren't good or bad; they're information. Sadness, frustration, anger, disappointment—these are all valid responses to difficult situations. Acknowledging them doesn't mean wallowing in them; it means processing them so you can eventually move through them.

A Better Way to Be Positive

I'm not saying we should give up on positive thinking—not at all. A positive mentality is valuable and welcome. But authentic positivity makes room for the full range of human emotions. It doesn't require us to pretend difficult things aren't difficult.

The difference between healthy optimism and toxic positivity:

Toxic positivity sounds like: "Stay positive, everything is going to be fine!"

Healthy support sounds like: "I understand you're going through something hard. It's normal to feel this way, and I believe you'll get through it—but take the time you need to process it first."

The first approach rejects the problem and doesn't take it into serious consideration. The second acknowledges the reality of the struggle while still expressing confidence that things can improve. One dismisses; the other validates.

True optimism involves maintaining a hopeful outlook while acknowledging challenges and believing in the possibility of positive outcomes. It's a balanced perspective that allows for the full range of emotions, understanding that setbacks and difficulties are part of the human experience—not something to be denied or rushed past.

Giving Yourself Permission to Feel

I decided to acknowledge the fact that I do love my job, but there are some days I don't like it that much—and it's okay to have negative emotions about it. It's part of who we are. The same applies in all situations. Every person perceives their problems according to their own experiences and context.

By reminding people that "others have more severe problems" or telling them they shouldn't express negative feelings, we underestimate and minimize their pain. We're not helping—we're silencing.

I'm not saying we should give up on hope. I'm saying that while a positive mentality is precious and welcome, negative feelings are valid too. By suppressing them, by living in the bubble of "everything is fine," we may cause more problems later. Emotions don't disappear because we ignore them—they go underground and show up in other ways: anxiety, physical symptoms, relationship problems, burnout.

In a world where mental health awareness is increasingly important, toxic positivity undermines the foundation of open and honest conversations about our emotional well-being. It creates a culture where vulnerability is seen as a liability rather than a natural and essential part of the human experience.

Encouraging genuine empathy and validation of all emotions creates a more supportive environment where individuals feel safe to express their true selves. And if things don't work out perfectly? That's another challenge to overcome. That's life, after all.