THE WORKING GAL
I was in my late twenties when I felt resentment at work. It wasn’t a loud reaction, it was just a low, persistent hum that followed me into every morning. At that point in my professional life, I was doing the work of three people, delivering results I was proud of, and being compensated like someone who was still proving themselves, even though I had already been active for more than a decade.
I'd built a business by then. I knew what it cost to hire, train, and retain good people, and most importantly, I knew what I was worth. And yet when I sat down to think about asking for more, it felt uncomfortable, presumptuous, even. Like I was supposed to wait to be noticed.
The irony wasn't lost on me: I had already navigated the financial decisions of building something from scratch, including the costly ones (you can read about those here), and yet asking for fair compensation inside a company felt harder than writing my first business plan.
What I eventually figured out, through trial, discomfort, and a few conversations that went sideways, is that the women who negotiate well aren't less awkward about it. They just have a process that removes the emotion from the room and replaces it with data. Here's mine.
Start by Asking the Right Question
Most women ask themselves: 'Am I worth more?' That's the wrong starting point. It leads you straight into the trap of justifying your existence rather than making a business case.
The correct question is: 'What does the market pay for this role, and is my compensation aligned with that?'
This reframe matters. Because in the first case, it seems like you're asking for a favor. When you reframe the question, you're flagging a discrepancy between market reality and your current package. And those are two very different conversations.
Before you book the meeting with your manager, do the research. Glassdoor, LinkedIn Salary, Levels.fyi (if you're in tech), industry salary surveys, and trusted peers in similar roles. Triangulate from at least three sources. Attention: you're not looking for a number to throw at someone -- you're building a range you can defend with composure.
A Note on What 'Value' Actually Means
Before any negotiation conversation, be honest with yourself about one thing: are you providing measurable value, or are you just working long hours? These are not the same thing.
If someone can't finish their work in 8 hours, it's either a company problem — poor delegation, unrealistic scope — or a personal one: time management, skills gaps, inefficiency. Working overtime is not evidence of value. It's evidence of volume.
Companies don't pay more because you stayed late. They pay more because your work moved something. So before you walk into that room or Zoom, ask yourself: what specifically did my presence change? What exists now that wouldn't without me? If the answer is clear, you're ready. If it's vague, spend two weeks making it concrete.
Frame It as an Investment, Not a Cost
The moment your manager hears 'I want a raise,' their brain calculates loss. Your job is to flip that equation before it calculates anything.
Instead of leading with what you want, open with what you've delivered, specifically and recently. Something like: 'I've been thinking about the results from [specific project], and I'd like to talk about my compensation in that context.'
That opening positions the conversation around return rather than expense. You're not asking them to spend more. You're asking them to invest in something that's already proven itself.
If you can translate your work into numbers, e.g., hours saved, revenue influenced, cost reduced, problems that didn't escalate because you caught them, use them. Specificity is credibility. 'I manage the onboarding process for all new hires' is less compelling than 'the onboarding process I rebuilt cut the average ramp time from 10 weeks to 6.'
Set Your Number Correctly Before You Go In
The number you say out loud first usually anchors the conversation. Most people undercut themselves before they've said a word.
The approach that works: research your market range, then aim for the upper third of it. Not the top, which can feel disconnected from reality, but the upper third, which signals you know your value without appearing out of touch. Leave yourself room to negotiate downward and still land at a number that reflects what the market actually pays.
Strategic Negotiation Scripts for Women: How to Ask for What You Want at Work
What you don't want is to open with your floor and call it your ask. That leaves you nowhere to go.
Expect Pushback -- and Plan for It Before You Walk In
Almost every negotiation gets at least one objection. The three most common are:
'We don't have budget right now,'
'You're already at the top of your band,' and
'Let's revisit this at your next review.'
None of these are final answers unless you treat them as final answers.
When you hear 'no budget right now,' the response isn't to accept it, leave, and keep being resentful. It's to ask what a realistic timeline looks like, and what specific outcomes would make the increase possible. You're not pushing back aggressively, you're asking for a roadmap. Something like: 'I understand. Can we agree on a 90-day timeline and the specific metrics that would move this forward?'
If the objection is a salary band, don't accept the band as permanent. Ask how it's structured, whether there's a path to the next level, and what that progression looks like. You're gathering information, not accepting a ceiling.
The goal at this stage isn't to win the argument. It's to move from 'no' to a defined path. Win-win beats win-lose in a workplace you're staying in.
The Timing Move That Changes the Conversation
One of the most effective things I learned: don't schedule the salary conversation in isolation. Attach it to a recent win.
Not weeks later, when the win has faded. Schedule it right after it lands. Something like: 'I just wrapped [project], and the feedback has been strong. I'd like to talk about my compensation in the next few weeks, would Thursday work?'
Recency matters. You want the conversation happening when your value is visible and recent, not abstract. It can be a completed course, a solved problem, or a delivered result, which you will use as the natural entry point. This isn't manipulation. It's timing. And timing is a skill.
What Doesn't Work
Competing offers. Unless you're genuinely prepared to leave and have a written offer in hand, bringing up external offers as leverage signals one thing: that you're already looking. Even when it works in the short term, it rarely fixes the underlying relationship. Use competing offers only if you're truly willing to act on them.
Emotional framing. 'I feel like I deserve more' is not a business case. Neither is 'I've been here five years.' Tenure is not a value. What you've built, fixed, or moved in those five years is value. Translate the feeling into data before the meeting, not during it.
Vague asks. 'I was hoping for something in line with my contributions' tells the other person nothing and gives them too much room to give you nothing. Come in with a number or a range. Ambiguity doesn't close.
If the Answer Is Still No
A no isn't necessarily the end of the conversation. What matters is what the no comes with.
A no with a timeline and a metric is a plan. A no with nothing attached is information you need to act on.
If you've made a clear, well-prepared business case and the answer remains a flat refusal without explanation or path, that's data about the company, not about you. Not every organization is structured to reward performance. Some are structured to reward patience, which is different.
You get to decide what you do with that information.
