Be aware; they may hide toxic behaviors

Have you ever been in a position where somebody told you something that seemed off? Did you feel that something was wrong but not exactly what? Well, maybe something wasn’t—and this should be a serious red flag.

What are red flags?

The term "red flag" is used to describe a warning sign or indicator of a potential problem or danger. Although derived from history, the term has been used over the last years to signal that something is amiss and warrants attention. According to Wikipedia, a red flag is frequently flown by armed forces to warn the public of live fire exercises in progress and is sometimes flown by ships carrying munitions. Red flags have also been used in the medical field during position interviews because of the importance of finding the right candidates for the positions. They have also been used to identify fraud in many cases.

Today, it's commonly used figuratively to describe behaviors, statements, or situations that raise concerns

In psychology, a "red flag" refers to a warning sign or behavior that indicates potential problems or unhealthy patterns in a person's actions, often signifying the potential for further issues or negative consequences, like in a relationship, and prompting closer evaluation or a need to take action to address the concern; essentially, it's a signal to "be cautious" or "look further" into a situation.

A red flag is a visible indicator that something might be wrong or concerning, calling for further analysis. Ignoring red flags could lead to negative outcomes, like emotional distress, manipulation, or even physical abuse in a relationship. What constitutes a red flag can vary depending on the individual and the situation, but some common red flags include excessive jealousy, controlling behavior, lack of respect, consistent negativity, and sudden mood swings.

The following phrases can be considered red flags, and you should stay vigilant if you hear them, independently of the context: relationship, business, friendship.

Work

If you hear one or more of the following phrases at work, you may be dealing with difficult colleagues and/or management.

• "That's just how things are done here." (Resists change, stifles innovation)
• "I'm just being honest." (Often precedes rude or hurtful comments)
• "It's not my job." (Lack of teamwork, unwillingness to help)
• "You're too sensitive." (Dismissive of valid concerns or emotions)
• "I was just kidding." (Used to excuse inappropriate behavior)
• "We're a family here." (Often used to justify overwork or lack of boundaries)
• "Don't worry, I'll take care of it." (This may lead to being excluded or having your work taken)
• "That's above your pay grade." (Used to shut down ideas or questions)
• "You're lucky to have this job." (Implies you should tolerate poor treatment)
• "We don't have time for that." (Dismissive of important issues or concerns)
• "I need you to be a team player." (Often used to pressure you into doing something you don't want to)
• "That's not my problem." (Lack of accountability)
• "If you can't handle the heat, get out of the kitchen." (Toxic work environment)
• "You're overreacting." (Gaslighting)
• "I'm just trying to help." (Often used to mask controlling behavior)

Significant other

The good news is that we may not control all our colleagues and/or managers, but we can control who we share our time with.

• "You're mine." (Possessive, controlling)
• "If you loved me, you would..." (Manipulation, guilt-tripping)
• "You're crazy." (Gaslighting, invalidating your feelings)
• "I'm just worried about you." (Often precedes controlling behavior)
• "You're overthinking it." (Dismissing your concerns)
• "No one else would want you." (Emotional manipulation, lowering your self-esteem)
• "You're always starting arguments." (Shifting blame, avoiding accountability)
• "I can't live without you." (Emotional dependence, potential for manipulation)
• "You're the only one who understands me." (Isolating you from others)
• "Why do you make me so angry?" (Blaming you for their emotions)
• "I was just joking, you're so touchy." (Excusing hurtful comments)
• "You need to change." (Controlling, trying to reshape you)
• "I'm not like other guys/gals." (Often a sign of someone who is trying to appear unique, but is often just trying to manipulate.)
• "I don't want you talking to them." (Isolation, control)
• "I saw your phone/messages..." (Violation of privacy)

Friendships

The last thing we need from our friends is to be critical and show toxic behaviors towards us. Well, sometimes it happens.

• "You're so dramatic." (Dismissing your feelings)
• "I'm just telling you the truth." (Often used to justify being hurtful)
• "You always do this." (Generalizing, blaming)
• "I'm just looking out for you." (Often precedes controlling or meddling behavior)
• "You're too good for them." (Can be well-intentioned, but also isolating)
• "I never said that." (Gaslighting, denying their words)
• "Why are you so upset?" (Minimizing your feelings)
• "You owe me." (Holding past favors over your head)
• "Everyone agrees with me." (Trying to invalidate your opinion)
• "If you were a real friend, you would..." (Manipulation, guilt-tripping)

What you should keep in mind though is that context is very important. If you tend to over-dramatize every little thing that happens in your life and your best friend calls you out, this is not a red flag, especially when this tendency messes with your mental well-being. However, if you face a serious issue at work that keeps you awake at night and their behavior shows that they minimize your feelings, then yes.