According to recent research, 79% of Gen Z report dating app fatigue.

I remember when the first dating apps appeared, and everyone around me started downloading Tinder frantically. People enjoyed this so much; it was like going on a shopping spree. Considering that I already had a demanding career in marketing, where my phone was (still is) the extension of my hand, and in combination with a long-term relationship, creating an extra problem for myself wasn’t on the menu. However, in marketing, I would be first on the trends, and I had to check what it was all about. And I downloaded it as well. In the beginning, I was impressed, like when we were kids and got a new toy. I set up my clumsy profile and got into work. Swipe left, swipe right… It was fun in the beginning, but as I said, I had a relationship waiting for me, and I wouldn’t spend either my time or anyone else’s time on something without a future. 

Tinder and other dating apps felt exciting because they revolutionized romance as we knew it and offered a seemingly endless pool of potential partners at our fingertips. However, dating apps were introduced to the public much earlier than we all think; it’s the social media rush that made them so popular. Indicatively, the first dating app was the St. James Computer Dating Service, which launched in 1964. It was the first computerized dating service and was later renamed Com-Pat. Since the early 00s, dating apps have been mushrooming up until today, where dating app usage has increased, with 349 million users worldwide in 2023. 

For a millennial like me, the effect of such apps wasn’t that intense, so I didn’t feel it was a significant part of my love life, but for Gen Z, the generation that grew up with these platforms, the reality is far from a fairytale. A recent survey reveals a significant percentage, i.e., 79% of Gen Z, feels "burnt out" from dating apps, leaving many of us questioning if love can even be found in the digital age. Licensed clinical psychologist Yasmine Saad says that about 3 out of every 4 people she works with use dating apps, and anywhere between 80 to 90% have expressed feeling similar fatigue or burnout at some point. So, the question is: what is causing such fatigue, given that those apps are mainly for pleasure and fun?

The reality is a bit more complex than we think. Digital burnout, especially that of dating apps, is a mix of factors, from the superficial nature of swiping to the emotional toll of ghosting and catfishing. 

The Endless Scroll & The Illusion of Scrolling

Dating apps show users an overwhelming number of profiles, often leading to a sense of decision fatigue. Should I swipe left or right? Is this person worth the swipe or not? This constant swiping and decision-making can feel more like a chore than a fun way to meet people. As a result, users end up feeling dissatisfied, even if they do manage to find a match. And it makes sense. According to the paradox of choice, a concept introduced by psychologist Barry Schwartz, the more options we have, the less satisfied we feel about our decisions. Also, apart from the decision-making process, we invest so much of our free time to those apps. We have replaced the “read 10 pages of a book to fall asleep” with “match with five people and go to sleep,” which is fun to think about but exhausting in practice. Not to mention how often I’ve noticed people in bars instead of talking to each other to try and find people to match online. 

The Emotional Rollercoaster

Dating apps can be an emotional minefield. The thrill of a potential connection can quickly turn into disappointment when messages go unanswered, or dates fall flat. Ghosting, a common phenomenon in the app world, can leave us feeling rejected and confused. It happens all the time, especially in the era when nobody takes accountability for anything. Imagine being excited to have matched with someone somehow interesting; you chat for a couple of days, and then… nothing. No response, no excuse, nothing. Ghosting is never pleasant, even in real life, but in digital life, it occurs more often, and it can be extremely disappointing. Not to mention the fear of being catfished –tricked into a relationship with someone pretending to be someone else– that adds another layer of anxiety. Dating apps and the digital world in general can be shady. We all remember what happened with the woman who was catfished thinking that she was “dating” Brad Pitt and she gave them a respectable amount of money. How can this not be a source of severe stress? In an app where everyone can pretend to be whoever they want, it’s extremely easy to fall into the trap.

And even if you are savvy and aware and avoid such traps, it still feels terrible. Inevitably, these constant changes of emotions can drain us, overwhelm us, and make us think that we are not enough, hence putting more pressure on the already existing pressure to “match.”

The Quest for Authenticity

And talking about catfishing… in a world of curated profiles and filtered photos, it can be challenging to find genuine connections. Many Gen Zers feel that dating apps prioritize superficiality over substance, making it difficult to find someone who shares their values and interests. Social media and the digital world have changed how people interact with each other. Sometimes for the best, sometimes for the worst. However, among all the positive changes that the digital revolution has brought, sometimes we lack authenticity. And even if a lot of people are genuine, the fear of missing out makes them succumb to the temptation of being one of the masses. This creates a considerable distance among people since they can’t find what they are looking for because it is not there. 

Beyond the Swipe: Real-Life Connections

Dating apps have become a valuable tool to bring people together and can help meet new people, which is amazing, and it’s great to have a tool that allows you to socialize, especially when work consumes a considerable amount of your life. However, it’s not the only solution to finding love, sex, or company. Traditional methods are still alive—yes, I can confirm—and sometimes it’s better to get out of the digital world and make connections with others. When you are out and about, leaving the phone in your purse and looking around for interesting people could do wonders for your mental health.