Every one of us has, at some point, made excuses for not doing something or not changing something. We've all found ourselves in a phase where something was holding us back from taking action. As someone who doesn't particularly love change, I used to say that classic "I cannot" until I discovered that I actually could—and all my previous thoughts were just excuses dressed up as facts.

Excuses always find room to fit into our lives. They especially love our negative self-talk. They survive on our procrastination and denial. "Okay, it doesn't matter, I still have time" and countless variations keep excuses in the leading role of our lives.

But what is our position in all this? And why do our brains keep generating these excuses even when we know they're holding us back?

The Psychology Behind Excuse-Making

Psychologists have a term for this pattern: self-handicapping. It's a behavior we engage in that actually hurts our own performance and motivation—but it serves a deeper, often unconscious purpose: protecting ourselves from anxiety and shame.

According to research from Headspace and the University of Florida, excuses aim to shift focus from issues that threaten our sense of self to issues that feel less personal. When someone asks why you failed at something, anxiety kicks in. Your subconscious quickly tries to protect your self-image, and before you know it, you've blurted out an excuse that places blame on something external—something that wasn't your fault.

The more anxious or ashamed we're likely to feel about potential failure, the more likely we are to build barriers that actually prevent us from succeeding. It's a protective mechanism that, ironically, creates the very outcome we're trying to avoid.

Research shows that self-handicapping is correlated with low self-esteem, perfectionism, and elevated concerns about how others evaluate us. People who are afraid of being seen as "impostors" tend to make more excuses. It's not about laziness or lack of character—it's about fear.

The Excuses We All Make (And What's Really Going On)

Let's look at the most common excuses—ones you've probably used yourself—and examine what's actually happening beneath the surface.

"I don't have the time."

I'm quite sure there's always time. Whatever your schedule looks like, you have time to change something you don't like or do something for yourself. I don't believe that you can't find time for a walk in the park or coffee with friends during your week. Time management is ultimately a matter of priorities. If you say you don't have time, what you're really saying is that it's not a priority—and that's worth examining honestly.

The real issue often isn't time—it's energy, motivation, or fear of what starting might reveal about us. It's easier to say "I'm too busy" than "I'm scared this won't work out."

"I don't have the money."

I could accept this excuse partially, but not completely. What gives us satisfaction isn't always expensive. Sometimes the simple, free things provide the most joy. A walk, an old book from your shelf, time with someone you love—these don't cost anything, but they can change your perspective entirely.

When money becomes the excuse for everything, ask yourself: Is this actually about money, or is money a convenient reason to avoid taking action? Many meaningful changes—learning something new, improving a relationship, taking better care of your health—require little to no financial investment.

"I'm too tired."

You are tired—I have no doubt about that. Who isn't? Everyday life is demanding for everyone. We take on many roles and responsibilities. But from my personal experience, I'll say that some of the times I was most exhausted were also when I felt most satisfied with myself. Sometimes pushing yourself a little to do something different actually generates energy rather than depleting it.

The distinction matters: Are you genuinely depleted and need rest (which is valid and important), or are you using tiredness as a reason to avoid discomfort? Only you can answer that honestly.

"I'm afraid I'm going to fail."

This is perhaps the most honest excuse—and the one underlying many of the others. Fear of failure immobilizes us and makes us victims of circumstance rather than agents of our own lives.

But here's the thing about failure: it's the only way to see your mistakes and correct them. The biggest disappointment in life isn't failing—it's never taking the risk. What kind of life would it be without any risk? A little boring, honestly. When you're scared, it often means you're on the right path—the path that leads to growth.

"The right time hasn't come yet."

Good planning helps us organize our goals. But what about the situations you're already in that don't satisfy you? Why stay somewhere—personally or professionally—that makes you unhappy while waiting for the "perfect" moment?

The right time will never be found. Something will always be happening. Life doesn't pause to let you make changes in ideal conditions. You don't have to wait for external circumstances to align perfectly. You're in charge of your life, not your circumstances.

What's Really Driving Your Excuses

Understanding why we make excuses helps us address the root cause rather than just fighting the symptoms. Here are the psychological drivers researchers have identified:

Protecting self-esteem:

Excuses serve as a defense mechanism. When faced with criticism or potential failure, we use excuses to justify our behavior or performance, preserving our sense of self-worth. Research shows that excuses shift causality from sources that threaten our self-image to sources that feel less personal.

Avoiding responsibility:

By blaming someone or something else, we can avoid facing the consequences of our choices. This feels protective in the moment, but prevents us from learning and growing from our experiences.

Lack of confidence:

Sometimes we make excuses because we genuinely don't believe we're capable of achieving something. The excuse becomes a way to avoid putting ourselves in a position where we might fail—and confirm our deepest fears about ourselves.

Staying in the comfort zone:

Stepping outside what's familiar is scary. Excuses provide convenient reasons to avoid taking risks or facing challenges that would require us to grow.

Habit:

For many people, excuse-making becomes automatic. Neuroscience research shows that habits are neural pathways carved deep in the brain's basal ganglia, reinforced by dopamine. The good news? The prefrontal cortex can help us form new habits that override the old ones—though the old patterns don't disappear entirely; they're just tucked away.

The Hidden Cost of Excuses

Here's something important: while excuses might provide temporary relief or protection, they can ultimately become obstacles to your personal growth and prevent you from achieving your full potential—at work and in life.

Research from the University of Florida found that excuses that are perceived as deceptive, ineffectual, or self-absorbed damage relationships and credibility. People who constantly make excuses are seen as less trustworthy and less competent—even when their excuses are technically true.

The internal cost may be even higher. When we use excuses to avoid discomfort, we reinforce the belief that we can't handle challenges. Each excuse becomes evidence that we need protection from difficulty. Over time, this erodes confidence and creates a self-fulfilling prophecy where we become less capable precisely because we've been avoiding the experiences that build capability.

Excuses are essentially false narratives we use to persuade ourselves not to do things. When we recognize that, we can stop defining our lives based on stories that aren't true.

How to Actually Stop Making Excuses

Breaking the excuse habit requires conscious effort, but it's absolutely possible. Here's how to start:

Develop Self-Awareness

Pay close attention to when and why you make excuses. Is it due to fear of failure? Lack of motivation? The desire to avoid discomfort? Notice when you're making an excuse—it might be subtle, but with practice, you'll start to recognize the familiar justifications as they pop up. Ask yourself: What am I really avoiding here?

Own Your Choices

Instead of blaming external factors or other people, acknowledge that you're in control of your actions. This shift—from victimhood to empowerment—is fundamental. Stop blaming. It's easy to point fingers, but true growth comes from accepting that you play a role in your situation, even if it's a small one.

Change Your Internal Language

The language you use internally matters enormously. Replace phrases like "I can't" or "I don't have time" with more empowering statements like "I will make time" or "I'll find a way to make this work." When you catch yourself thinking negatively, question those thoughts. Are they really true, or are you making assumptions?

Create Accountability

Find an accountability partner—someone you trust who will call you out when you're making excuses. Or track your own progress with a journal or app. When you're accountable to someone (including yourself), there's less room for excuses to take hold. Be brutally honest about your strengths and weaknesses, your successes and failures.

Face Your Fears Gradually

Excuses often mask fear—fear of failure, rejection, or even success. Recognize your fears and confront them, but you don't have to conquer them all at once. Start with small, manageable steps that gradually push you outside your comfort zone. Each small win builds evidence that you can handle more than you thought.

Focus on What You Can Control

Many excuses focus on things outside our control—the economy, other people's behavior, timing. Shift your attention to what you can control: your effort, your attitude, your response to challenges. When you stop waiting for perfect conditions, you free yourself to act in imperfect ones.

A Note on Self-Compassion

Addressing excuse-making isn't about beating yourself up or striving for impossible perfection. Sometimes what looks like an excuse is actually a legitimate limitation—and that's okay. The goal isn't to eliminate all boundaries or push through every obstacle regardless of cost.

The goal is honesty. It's knowing the difference between "I genuinely need rest" and "I'm using tiredness to avoid something uncomfortable." It's recognizing when you're protecting yourself from growth versus protecting yourself from genuine harm.

Research actually shows that people who make successful excuses for poor performances often do better the next time they try—because they've preserved their belief in themselves as capable people. Self-compassion and accountability aren't opposites; they work together.

Taking Back Control

We all need to think seriously about what's holding us back. Once we recognize that excuses are stories we tell ourselves—not facts about reality—we gain the power to write different stories.

Taking responsibility for your actions and facing challenges directly will be the first great step toward an excuse-free life. Not a perfect life—just an honest one, where you're in the driver's seat instead of letting fear and avoidance steer.

And once we realize what we actually want—and stop letting excuses convince us we can't have it—we'll feel freer than we ever imagined.