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P. Asks: Busy Beaver
“I am so busy at work that I don’t have the time for self-care and this is putting a huge stress on me. What should I do? It feels really frustrating working long hours and the only thing I have time to do is go home and sleep. I miss my college life. Everything was easier back then.”
The Gal Answers:
The first thing I would say is that we are pretty much all busy at work. Life in capitalism is hard, and in order to survive, we need to hustle, and hustle, and hustle. However, in order to make some time for self-care, we need to define what self-care is for each one. Some people find reading to be self-care; for others, self-care is going out for drinks with your friends or an evening of Netflix and chilling. Also, self-care doesn’t need to be an everyday occurrence or 1-2 hours per day. It can be 10 minutes of your beauty routine or -the best- 8 consecutive hours of quality sleep.
I know it’s hard not having 8 full hours of doing what you like, but (remember the perfect balance plan: 8 hours of work, 8 hours of sleep, and 8 hours of free time). Tell me one person who manages to balance their time so flawlessly, and I will retract the answer (and cry in bed, unable to understand how they do it!).
A way to find some time for self-care —whatever that means for you— is to discipline yourself into adding at least 15 minutes daily to do what you want. For instance, if you wake up at the last minute to leave for work, set the alarm earlier and dedicate those 15 minutes to yourself and your favorite activity. Also, if you are working too much, think about how to manage your time better.
At this point, let me remind you of our motto at The Working Gal: Don’t be busy; be productive! Aka, identify and change the things that keep you busy and don’t let you leave work on time, and make some changes/alterations to your schedule to fit your favorite activities. There is always time; we just don’t use our time wisely.
Christina Asks: Partner Alert
“I think that my partner is cheating on me. Should I search their phone?”
The Gal Answers:
No good has ever come from searching our partner’s phone. Never. If you feel that your partner is cheating on you, have an honest conversation with them and express your concerns. Depending on the conversation, you will identify the signs that they are lying. If they get on the defensive, something is going on. Also, check for gaslighting signs: if you have facts and they try to turn them against you, something is wrong. If they try to actually engage with what you are saying, they will probably try to resolve your concerns and doubts, and, in this case, your concerns may be invalid.
Also, what made you think that your partner is cheating on you? It would be helpful to have some more info on that. Have they changed their behavior toward you? Is a new person in their life making you think this way? Or is it something that derives from your insecurity?
Before you react to the facts you have, be honest with yourself and aware of the situation. Don’t rush to blame them; try to control your emotions before acting. In any case, trust your gut; where there is smoke, there is fire. And remember that the truth may hurt sometimes but will come out, no matter how much somebody tries to hide it.
Wish you good luck, and keep us posted!
X. Asks: Barbie Girl
“Happy holidays! I have a question: I don’t know what to think about plastic surgeries. Are they a way of working on our self-confidence by eliminating the things that we don’t like about ourselves or it’s a sign of vanity and intelligence is what matters?”
The Gal Answers:
Well, a lot of people don’t know how to feel about plastic surgery. It’s a profoundly sociological issue with many aspects, and there is no clear answer on how to think of them. You may also not feel anything about them if it doesn’t affect you.
Plastic surgery is not only cosmetic surgery. Plastic surgery has been historically used for people with body dysmorphia or victims of accidents in order to reconstruct their bodies for medical reasons. And their self-esteem, of course -mental health is health. Also, for individuals with Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD), a mental health condition where they obsess over perceived flaws, plastic surgery can sometimes be a part of a treatment plan alongside therapy. So, having this in mind, plastic surgery is an essential part of people’s health and well-being.
On the aesthetics aspect now, where women have been criticized for years for their choices to have bigger breasts, to refine their noses or to make their skin look younger, the question you should ask yourself is, “Why do I care?”
Women have always been criticized for whatever they do. If they are beautiful, they are dumb. If they are ugly, they will end up old maids full of cats (what’s wrong with cats, I never understood). If they don’t pay attention to their looks, they are unattractive and losers. If they pay attention to themselves, they are vain and shallow. So, they lose whatever they decide to do. The problem is that, as women, we pay much more attention as we need to others and their opinions of us. So, you don’t know what you feel about plastic surgeries because, on the one hand, you feel like it’s everyone’s right to feel good about themselves, but on the other, you feel that if you get your butt bigger, then people will start blaming you for trying to be someone else and a more advanced version of yourself.
What will help you to recognize what you feel is to stop thinking about others and ask yourself whether you would ever have plastic surgery and, if not, why. If it is because you feel good about yourself and wouldn’t change anything, then great. However, remember that not all people feel good about themselves, and some might feel better if their noses were smaller. Why take that away from them?
Ultimately, the decision to undergo plastic surgery is a personal one. If an individual feels it will improve their quality of life and happiness, that's their right, and we don’t have to feel anything about it. Their body, nobody else’s choice.
Queen Asks:
“What do you think is the best way to deal with sexism?”
The Gal Answers:
If I had a penny for every time somebody asked about that, I would be so rich that I wouldn’t have to write anymore (kidding, I can’t think of my life without writing).
Dealing with sexism is not easy; there is not a specific answer that could solve the problem (we wouldn’t be talking about that if we had found the solution!) and it depends on the context. What I mean by “context” is that sexism is prevalent everywhere: at the bus stop, at work, in personal relationships, and even within our families. We can’t avoid it, but we can choose how to deal with it, depending on what we want to achieve. Sexism is deeply rooted in our society, and even if we have made some progress over the years, completely eliminating sexism would take many, many years. Don’t forget that sexism benefits people, not only men, but also women.
Currently, the key “weapon” societies have against sexism is education. Education can help all genders understand the roots of sexism, stereotypes, and attitudes and can engage people proactively to address them and eliminate them. When people understand something completely, this is the first step to fighting it. And, as long as people are uneducated on sexism, they cannot confront it or get rid of it. If you don’t know what you are fighting, how are you expected to win it?
While the newest generations are more aware and better educated than the previous ones, and while there are amazing and hopeful examples of battling against sexism, it’s still around us, and sometimes we don’t even notice it. And sometimes we use it for our benefit, as I mentioned before. For instance, men usually face less competition in male-dominated fields and have easier access to leadership roles than their female counterparts. Also, women who don’t want a harsh career path (which is totally okay, by the way) may benefit from the societal expectations that usually prioritize domestic roles, and they feel less guilty about their choices.
If you ask how to deal with sexism in your everyday life, there is no manual, but there are some tips to address sexist behaviors. If it’s in the work context and you hear about a sexist joke, then ask for more information, like “I didn’t get the joke; can you explain it to me?” This way, you make clear that you don’t find sexist jokes funny and entertaining, and you put the person who told the joke in a position to feel -at least- weird.
If your partner shows sexist behaviors, try not to overreact immediately; sometimes, people don’t notice behaviors until someone calls them out. Ask them why they think the way they think, and explain how this makes you feel and how hurtful it can be.
Now, about the classic family gatherings where older people make sexist jokes all the time, the best solution would be to minimize contact with them because rarely will this end up in a fruitful conversation, and also, we can’t fight all battles—one battle at a time.
You may find interesting that and that, and keep in mind that sexism needs patience, discussion, and, in some cases, empathy.
