One thing I was late to admit was that I am judgmental. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that we all do it. We all judge. It can be that little internal comment, the quick categorization of the person walking down the street, the subtle (or not-so-subtle) critique of someone's choices, or the “I told you so” we say to our friend when they’ve made a mistake. Judging others can feel almost automatic, a reflex honed by our upbringing, social circles, and ingrained biases.

However, being judgmental is not only destructive for our relationships with others (really, who needs “Mrs. Judgy” around all the time?) but it can harm our mental health as well. Many studies have linked judgment to increased stress and anxiety, as well as low self-esteem, and reduced connection with others.

How Can I Stop Being Judgmental?

The good news is that being judgmental is a habit we can actively work to change. And surprisingly, some powerful tools for this transformation lie outside our usual routines. And no, we are not talking about building empathy and curiosity now—both essential factors that help us overcome our judgmental nature.

Travel More

While traveling doesn’t seem an obvious way to reduce your judgmental instinct, think about the last time you stepped outside your familiar environment. Perhaps you visited a bustling city with traditions and habits you didn't understand, or an isolated little village where daily life looked drastically different from your own. Well, that’s the beauty; travel throws us into the deep end of unfamiliarity. It forces us to confront our assumptions about how things should be.

Suddenly, the way someone dresses, the food they eat, and the traditions they uphold are no longer measured against your own yardstick. You begin to see that there are countless valid ways to live, to believe, to navigate the world. This firsthand exposure to diverse cultures chips away at the notion that your way is the only way—it’s not!

When you're struggling to understand a language, relying on gestures and smiles, judgment takes a backseat to the simple need for connection. When you witness a community rallying together in a way that's foreign to your experience, your preconceived notions about collectivism versus individualism might crumble. Travel can shape your perspective in multiple ways; it cultivates empathy by exposing you to the lives and realities of others, forcing you to acknowledge the validity of their experiences, even if they differ wildly from your own. So, next time you feel like someone is “not doing it” the right way, why don’t you book a trip somewhere you’ve never been before?

Jot Down Your Judgments

If you notice, those fleeting judgmental thoughts often vanish as quickly as they appear, leaving little room for reflection. This is where the simple act of writing them down can be incredibly powerful. Grab a notebook or open a document and consciously record your judgments as they arise. Don't censor yourself; the goal here is to be as honest and raw as possible. You might be surprised by the sheer volume of judgments that flit through your mind in a day. You might also start to notice patterns. Do you frequently judge people based on their appearance? Their parenting style? Their career choices?

Seeing your judgments laid out in black and white creates a distance, allowing you to examine them more objectively, as if they belonged to someone else. This act of externalization is the first step towards questioning their validity. Then, ask yourself: What am I really reacting to here? Is my judgment based on facts or assumptions? What underlying belief of mine is being challenged? Often, you'll find that your judgments are more about your own insecurities or preconceived notions than about the person you're observing.

Find What Triggers You To Be Judgmental

Understanding your triggers is like tracing the roots of a judgmental weed. It requires honest self-reflection and a willingness to dig a bit deeper into yourself. Why do certain behaviors or types of people set off your internal judge? Think back to instances where you felt particularly judgmental. What were the specific circumstances? Who was involved? What were they doing or saying? Write these scenarios down and look for common threads.

Maybe you find yourself judging people who are overly loud in public. Could this trigger a past experience where you were shamed for being too boisterous? Maybe you're critical of those who seem overly materialistic. Could this stem from your own anxieties about financial security?

Often, our strongest judgments are rooted in our own unresolved issues, fears, or past traumas. By consciously researching these triggers – through journaling, introspection, or even talking to a trusted friend or therapist – you can begin to understand the "why" behind your judgmental tendencies. This understanding doesn't excuse the behavior, but it provides a pathway towards a more compassionate response.