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Relationships are complicated and sometimes overwhelming. When it comes to romantic relationships, they can become even more complicated if jealousy "lives and reigns." And that's exactly what a new term in dating refers to, and many individuals feel that it could bring disaster for couples.

"Rebecca syndrome," or "retroactive jealousy," occurs when a person in a romantic relationship feels jealous or obsessed with their partner's previous relationship.

This is why it is called "retroactive jealousy"; it refers to the fixed past that cannot be changed. The term is named after the 1938 novel Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier, which tells the story of a widower's second wife tormented by the idea that she will never be able to compete with Rebecca, her husband's previous wife.

According to a 2017 study, about 66.7 percent of relationship participants admitted to looking for a loved one's ex, a figure that drops to 65.8 percent in married couples. Today, with social media exacerbating "a set of psychological problems," psychologists say Rebecca Syndrome is a worsening phenomenon.

What does "Rebecca syndrome" look like in a relationship?

Kate Balestrieri, psychologist, sex therapist, and founder of Modern Intimacy, explains how someone can experience feelings of insecurity around their partner's past relationships and sexual history, no matter how much time has passed. Comparison with previous partners can lead the person to compare themselves to things like appearance, intelligence, and fuel obsession.

"It can really cause a lot of pain to couples because the partner with retroactive jealousy is often stuck thinking about the details of their partner's past relationships, wondering if their partner is thinking or fantasizing about their ex, or even comparing their current relationship to their past experiences," she said in an interview with Women's Health. For the expert, it may be how someone counteracts fears of abandonment and ideas that they will never be good enough for a relationship due to previous relational traumas.

Individuals suffering from Rebecca Syndrome often experience a range of negative emotions, including:

- Insecurity: Constant self-doubt and comparison to the past partner.

- Anxiety: Fear of inadequacy and the belief that they cannot measure up.

- Jealousy: Intense envy and resentment towards the past partner.

- Obsessive Thoughts: Constant rumination about the past relationship.

- Low Self-Esteem: A diminished sense of self-worth.

What to do if you suspect you or your partner might have Rebecca Syndrome

Be honest and open to communication

Talk openly and honestly with your partner about your concerns and feelings regarding their past relationships. This involves sharing your thoughts and emotions without fear of judgment or rejection, creating a safe space for vulnerability and trust.

Work on your self-esteem

By working on self-confidence and addressing personal insecurities, you can reduce the fuel for jealousy. This involves recognizing and challenging negative thoughts, practicing positive self-talk, and setting achievable goals. By valuing your own worth and abilities, you can develop a healthier sense of self and reduce the impact of past relationships on your current one.

Visit a professional

If jealousy is significantly impacting your relationship, couples therapy can provide a safe and supportive space to address underlying issues and develop effective coping mechanisms. A therapist can help you and your partner improve communication, build trust, and work through past hurts. You can gain valuable tools and strategies to manage jealousy and strengthen your relationship by seeking professional guidance.

Rebecca Syndrome can severely strain a relationship, leading to a host of negative consequences. Individuals suffering from this condition may struggle with deep-seated trust issues, constantly questioning their partner's intentions and loyalty. They may avoid discussing the past, fearing further emotional turmoil and resentment.

As trust erodes, an emotional distance grows between partners, hindering intimacy and connection. This can lead to frequent conflicts and arguments, as jealousy and insecurity fuel misunderstandings and hurt. In severe cases, the overwhelming emotional toll can even lead to the termination of the relationship, as both partners become overwhelmed by the constant stress and negativity.

Sources:

https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a41044659/retroactive-jealousy/

https://www.bbc.com/news/stories-44850438

https://health.clevelandclinic.org/retroactive-jealousy