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Sam Asks: This Competitive Colleague

“My problem is that my colleague seems to be very competitive and looks like they are waiting for my mistake in the corner. I haven’t been in this job for a long time, but it is a great opportunity and I’m generally happy here, apart from the said colleague. I know that they have been with the company for a long time and for this reason, I don’t want to make a big deal out of it. I really don’t know what to do and I am thinking that maybe I should start looking for another job, even though I like this so much. Any tips?”

The Gal Answers

Hey, Sam! Unfortunately, this seems indeed to be an uncomfortable situation, especially when you haven’t established yourself in the new job. However, what you need to keep in mind is that having to deal with a competitive colleague is very common and, from my personal experience, at the end of the day, it doesn’t worth it. So, to give you a more realistic approach, what you should do is first of all to relax and accept the fact that their are competitive. Now, having that in mind, you can assess the situation and understand whether they are competitive and actually causing problem to others or it’s something they enjoy to motivate them. Try to monitor their behavior and whether this is a pattern.

If it’s actually their modus operandi, aka they are there to give you a hard time, then having a straightforward conversation with them could minimize the problem. You don’t have to argue with them, just express your concerns and state (in a cordial and professional manner) that you are doing what you have to do for the company’s benefit and your personal aspirations follow. They will get the message and, if they are smart, they will understand that you are not willing to go personal.

In general, competitive employees are pretty much everywhere and the best thing you should do is focus on your work. A chat may help; it may not. Eitherway, you do your job, keep being excited for the opportunity, and -believe me- your supervisor or manager knows.

If the situation gets out of hand, though, I would address the issue to HR or to a manager, just to be clear and have the necessary support.

Don’t stress a lot, and enjoy your professional journey; don’t let one person define your next professional step. If you are to leave your job, do it because it’s something you want and something that will take you to the next level. I hope this helps!

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Bethany Asks: Do I Want To Work With My Husband?

“I recently had an offer to work to the company that my husband works. It is a great job opportunity and the salary is more than enough. My concern is that in case I accept this, I will be working closely with my husband and I am afraid that this is going to cause problems, not only at work but also at home, considering that we will be spending all day together. It’s a tough call since, in my current position, even though I like my job, the remuneration is not enough for what I am doing and the new job would definitely upgrade our family’s income. Will it, though, ruin my relationship with my husband?”

The Gal Answers

First of all, congratulations on the job offer! It’s nice to hear that there are opportunities out there! Now, to answer your question, you need to have this conversation with your husband. You didn’t mention his opinion on the matter. Does he think that this is a good idea? Is he positive of working with you? Is it something that you both wanted or he is reluctant as you are? It seems that you skipped the most important part in the equation: discussing with him.

It’s better to have an honest discussion and understand his intentions, and then you can make a more informed decision. For instance, if he believes that this is a great opportunity and you shouldn’t miss it,then it will be easier for both of you to set some boundaries from the very beginning to avoid friction and arguments in the future.

On the other hand, if he is negative in working with you, then you know how to approach the offer, and decide whether it’s beneficial. But, before you do anything, talk with your husband and make a decision based on the outcome of your chat. Your concerns are legit and this is why you need to address them with the person on the other side of the conversation. Whatever you decide, make sure it makes you feel comfortable and that you set your own rules. I hope this helps!

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Feminist Asks: Sexism At First Sight

“Hello to the Working Gal Team! So, I am convinced that we live in a very sexist society and that we have all been victims of sexism. However, since I am done spending my time with sexist people, I was wondering whether there is a way to identify them before we need to spend even an hour with them. I get that nobody is going to be like “hey, I think that women are inferior to men and you should all go home” but are there any other subtle red flags that could prevent us from having to put up with such behaviors in the future? I know that sometimes it’s on the little things, and there are not a lot of signs, but are we doomed to coexist with them? Any thoughts/signs/tips I can work on?

The Gal Answers

Hey Feminist! I understand that you must have had some unfortunate experiences with sexism. You are right to wonder, as sexism is ubiquitous.

Unfortunately, there is no magic wand that could identify a sexist with no trouble, but there are a couple of things you can do. In early phases, exploratory discussions about other persons, more theoretical and distant, are indicative. For instance, when they casually slut-shaming a female celebrity or show that even though they desire her, on the other hand, they despise her, then, there you go; this is a terrible sign of misogyny.

Also, a good criterion is their opinion on women's self-determination over their bodies: the right to abortion or the attitude towards the choice of childbearing or breastfeeding. Other ominous signs that you are dealing with a sexist man are perceptions that fall into the ownership over women. For instance, excessive possessiveness and jealousy are not passion and love; they are the "right" of the master over his slave, aka the woman and is a clear sign that the man is sexist. Also, ask them about their feelings toward financially successful women; in general, the economic subordination of the woman is a clear sign that this man is not going to feel good about a financially independent woman.

As you can see, no general rule applies to uncovering sexism, but the good news is that the signs are easy to see if you are careful and don't get carried away and attribute them to interest. You may have to spend a couple of hours with them, though. I hope this helps!